will come up to town

“Well, our Guild, when it is strong enough, will come up to town one fine morning to see the Cabinet. Our words will be something like these: ‘We are the Teachers’ Guild of Scotland, old dears, and we’ve come to tell you that we’re going to run the show now.’

“Of course the Cabinet will get a shock at[Pg 228] first. Then they will laugh and say: ‘We wish you luck! By the way how do you propose to get the money?’ And when we answer that we expect to get it from the State they will roar with mirth. We shall wait politely till the laugh is over, and then we shall calmly tell them our proposal … rather, our demand. We shall demand money from the State to carry on the whole thing. Education isn’t a profiteering affair, and we must draw every penny from the people … just as the State does now.

“Then a member (Lloyd George in all probability) will remark: ‘Yes, yes, gentlemen, but don’t you see that all your demand amounts to is a change of management? You want to abolish the Education Department and substitute your President for my friend Sir John Struthers.’

“We shall shout ‘No!’ very very viciously at this … you’ve heard them shout ‘No’ when they sing ‘For he’s a jolly good fellow?’ Well, then, we’ll shout it just like that, and then we’ll explain thus:—

“We aren’t going in for a change of management: we are going to build a new house. We are done with grants and Form 9 B’s and inspectors and Supplementary Classes for ever. We are going to spend…. Oh! such a lot of money. You’ll be surprised when you know what we are going to do. You know Dundee? Mr. Churchill there made it famous…. well, Dundee, is one of the dirtiest slums in creation.[Pg 229] At present it has lots of big grey schools. We are going to knock ’em down. After that we are going to build bonny wee schools out in the country; schools that won’t hold more than a hundred pupils. There will be lovely gardens and ponds and rabbit-houses; there will be food and—.’ At this stage the Cabinet will telephone for the lunacy experts.
forming a fund to compete with neutral trade after the war. The worst of you political fellows is that you’ve all got profiteering on the brain, just like us … only, it’s a natural healthy growth in your case, while in our case it is a malignant tumour. We’ve got profiteering thrust upon us, so to speak; you fellows were born with it.